The next evening, I went to see the new film starring Benjamin Bratt. My daughter was correct. The film reflects a piece of our community and culture—the Latino “Mission” community of San Francisco.  The story is about a real decent human-being (Che Rivera) who is also a macho dad who explodes into violence when he discovers his high school son (Jes) is gay.  In many ways it’s the sad story lived by many families who learn that their son or daughter is gay and then continue hurting each through shame, violence, separation, or icy accommodation.

Yet, there is a quality to this film that challenges one to consider—what actions could I have taken to aide this family? Like many others, the Rivera family is extended.  While Che is a single parent and Jes an only son, their family includes a cool uncle and aunt, long-term neighbors, a friendly new neighbor, the father’s colorful group of compadres (tight buddies), and Jes’s best friend.  So, after the blow out where Jes gets beaten-up and kicked out of the house, if you were one of these relationships what could you have done to support healing for this father and son?

For the past 35 years I have been working on this and similar questions, and the result is the practice of family activism and facilitation.  It was over a generation ago, that a similar sickness within my family prompted me to realize that within our Latino culture we have a host of tools for strengthening and healing our families.  We only need to get courageous and use them.

My discovery began after my brother came out as a gay man and I began to realize the family love that sustained us was being destroyed underneath layers of fear, anger, avoidance, and lies.  One brother refused to be in the same room as the gay brother, my father refuse to talk about my “sick” brother, and my mother was dying of guilt for causing this to happen many years ago when she had prayed for a daughter.  This is when I awakened to the contradiction I was living.  I was organizing communities throughout the Southwest to better the lives of Latino families, so I had tools and skills that could assist my family.  Yet, regarding my family I had that feeling of EL NO, that sense of “who am I” to make a difference, combined with a fear of dealing with my macho dad.  This is when I began to develop the practice of family activism.  Family activism is about courageously using our common sense and wisdom to create the positive change we desire for our family, friends and our world.

So if we are to practice family activism…what might that look like?  In the story of La Mission, Che and Jes needed someone to step-up and serve as a family facilitator to assist communication between them.  There were over a half a dozen people connected to the Rivera family that could have volunteered, yet for a combination of fear and the lack of a designated role they didn’t.  As a family activist, one asserts a helper role, “I am here because I am your brother, cousin, uncle or friend, and my role is to help you get your or our family together.”  “It begins with talking, so I am present to facilitate the conversation to make certain we address the right questions and that everyone hears each other.”

I realize that for many of us there surfaces a self-doubt, “Who me?  I can’t do that!”  Over the years I have discovered that in every network of family and friends there is at least one or two people that because of their good heart and natural skills they can serve as a facilitator. They can be even more effective if they become familiar with a few tools like how to call for a family council, use a talking stick, facilitate conversations, or organize an honoring circle.  All these are tools that can be used by almost any person genuinely committed to strengthen or advance healing within the family or among friends dear to them.

In the Rivera story, it took a shooting, the loss of life, and some spiritual connection before Che realized that his love for his son was too valuable to toss away.  In this made-for-film story it ultimately took only a few months for our macho father to realize his need for change.  In my family story in which I used a host of communication tools, it took us several years before there was enough healing that we could all fully join together and support each other, including my gay brother and his partner.  Yet, our families and friends are too precious not to invest the time to make them healthy, supportive and joyful.

Echoing my daughter’s enthusiasm, I say go out and see La Mission and   learn about a slice of Latino culture and be challenged to consider your role in healing your family.  Also, go out and pick-up my book titled Family Activism (Berrett-Koehler Press, 2008) and deepen your learning to serve your family and friends as a family facilitator.

Example of applying talking stick in community meetings

Ventura Star, May 17, 2009

Last Sunday, May 3rd, I attended the best youth led community gathering I have ever experienced in Oxnard.  Over 100 people of all ages and cultures responded to the opportunity to contribute their ideas for a new mural to be painted in South Oxnard.   This event was organized by Arts for Action, an organization seeking to involve youth and their families in using art to improve personal and community life.

I initially dropped by to deliver material requested by my daughter who was volunteering. On this beautiful afternoon, I was surprised to see within the Rodeo Community Center youth, parents, grandparents, and over a dozen members of a motorcycle club called the Rough Riders.  I decided to stay, participate and find out why these people were attending.

The meeting used the learning circle approach, in which they divided the audience into groups of 10-12 people to encourage connecting and meaningful conversations.  The groups used the talking stick tradition in which each person who holds the talking stick takes a turn to speak from their heart without interruptions.  Participants were asked to introduce themselves by sharing what they ideally would like to be doing with their lives if money was not an issue.  Following this thought provoking ice breaker, residents discussed some of the most prevalent problems in their community as well as the most positive aspects of their neighborhood.  All ideas expressed were recorded on easel board to be used later to identify themes for the mural.

Magic occurred in these groups as people expressed personal hardships and their love for Oxnard.  Despite being of different cultures, participants grew to feel connected to each other as they shared individual and common experiences that encompassed a wide spectrum of human emotion.  Whether their difficulties were due to racism in the schools, gang influences in the neighborhood or being a single parent, they often expressed similar hopes for their communities.  They shared their appreciation for the vibrant community life in Oxnard, that people care about each other, and that we have programs that really serve the community.

Within my group a father disclosed how he had survived the gang life, how much he wants a better life for his children, and how the Arts for Action program was making a difference for his son who now understands what it means to “give back to the community.”  The group also envisioned hundreds of community gardens organized in Oxnard where neighbors could come to know each other better and promote health consciousness.

The afternoon ended with a unity circle in which everyone joined hands and each person shared their final feeling word.  We inspired each other as we heard many young and old say they felt “happiness, pride, energy, love and power!”

I know this gathering will not alone transform all of Oxnard’s challenges, yet for many who participated it demonstrated what we can become.  Youth convicted for doing graffiti, now said they were developing new goals in their life to be better persons.  Adults were inspired to get more involved with the young people in our neighborhoods. We all experienced the power of feeling connected to others and sharing the goal of making our community better.  My thanks go out to all the young people who organized to make this event happen as well as the city and county agencies that have supported the development of such an innovative approach to community development.  They are modeling the porvida activism we need to create positive change.  We do it to serve life and we do it one person and one event at a time.

Short Address by Roberto Vargas to San Francisco Library Patrons upon being recognized as a Bay Area Author Laureate

Thank your for your presence this evening and the support of the SF Public Library.

I’d like to share a few thoughts about evolution—human, cultural and social evolution, however I first need your assistance set the context.

My question to you, for which I’d like some short responses, what type of society or world do you want?  Using a word or phrase describe our vision of the world we desire. Audience response:  healthy, understanding, ethical, inclusive, respect, peace, sustainability, people can earn a living, without hunger, with libraries…

This is exactly the type of world that most of us want and that is our evolutionary purpose and vision.

Over 25 years ago I brought together a number of healers together to address the question of how to advance a more fair and respectful society.  The outcomes included the following thoughts that I will share about evolution.

The reality is we are all spirits in this human journey, and our spirit essence is “por vida”. Porvida means “for life, love, respect and all that is positive”.  Our essence, our essential nature is not sinful or base, but porvida—for life!  Yes, as babies we are born immature and self-centered, yet the essence of our nature is to be and affirm life and evolve our ability to be more loving. This occurs when we are raised by families and culture that believe in our potential and engages with us in a way that is co-powering.  Co-powering is interacting and communicating so as to lift the confidence, power and energy of another. If you like call it loving communications, yet unfortunately we don’t do this enough because of myths which stymie our understanding of our selves and each other.

One of our biggest challenges in evolving our higher nature is that we have been socialized over generations to believe that we are inherently sinful, wicked or beings that are offensive to God.  This not true, but a terrible myth used for social control which only serves to restrict our evolutionary ability. If we see each other for our beauty and potential, we find ways to nurture and grow that beauty and potential in each other.

I work as a community organizer, organizational psychologist, and leadership coach, yet what I am is a cultural or porvida activist seeking to advance our human and social evolution.  For me that means aiding individuals, families and organizations to connect with our vision and develop those practices that support our evolutionary potential to be more courageous loving human beings. The book I wrote Family Activism is about fostering these health promotion practices among family and friends so that we create the change we desire in the world beginning with all those people we consider family or community.

The following outline provides a step-by-step plan to organize a family talking circle with the agenda of expressing love and conversing about positive change.  As some families are not ready for such communication, simplify the plan to meet your reality or organize a conversation among your friends.  Remember by initiating such dialogues we deepen our skills to listen to each other and use conversation to support positive action.

1.    Enlist support. For the holidays, enlist one or two friends or family members to help plan a talking circle about love and change, possibly an hour gathering on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or for New Years.
2.    Reach out.  Contact other family members or friends with one-to-one conversations before the proposed event to enlist their support for the idea of the family talking circle.  These pre-event conversations can increase your connection with them and develop enthusiasm for the event.
3.    Select convener/facilitator. Volunteer or draft someone to open the talking circle and introduce the theme and questions.  The suggestion is that for this year the theme might be “Advancing positive change for family and community in the coming year”.  The plan will be for each person to take a turn to speak to the theme questions, and then everyone can converse on the final action/commitment question.
4.    Use Talking Stick. Introduce the practice of the “talking stick” to facilitate the conversation.  This tradition, which comes from our indigenous culture and is also practiced by others, is used to slow down conversation, make it purposeful, and ensure that all members are heard.   Whoever holds the stick has the responsibility to speak their truth, and everyone else is to listen without interruptions or crosstalk.  When the speaker is finished, s/he passes the stick to the next speaker.  The talking stick doesn’t necessarily have to be a stick; families often select an object that is meaningful to them, like a favorite stone, shell, or other artifact.
5.    Theme Questions. For this talking circle, it is suggested that the group use one of the following question combinations:
(a) Everyone share two to three items for which he or she is grateful, what meaning does Christ’s teaching of love have for you,  and what positive change would you like to see occur within our society, community, or family? Or,
(b) Everyone share two to three items for which he or she is grateful.  What does the election of Mr. Obama mean to you, and what changes would you like to see occur in our society, community, or family?
Before beginning this dialogue estimate how much time each person can speak so that you can finish at the desired time.  For example if the group numbers 6 and the commitment is for an hour, this gives everyone roughly 6 minutes to share on these theme questions, leaving the group has about twenty minutes for a conversation on the final action/commitment question.
6.    Commitment/Action Question. After everyone has spoken to the themes above, the group can then address the action/commitment question:  What can we do to advance these changes and what commitment do I make?  Try to encourage someone to write up the commitments to later distribute them or to hang them on the refrigerator or somewhere else where people can be reminded.
7.    Closing. Finally, it is inspiring to close by inviting everyone to share a final word about how they feel, followed by an invitation to hug at least a couple of people before leaving the circle.

I encourage you to try organizing such a family circle with an openness to accept whatever happens as being great either because it went so well, or because you simply involved your family in a practice that can evolve into skills and a tradition that will serve the group for years to come.  What ever happens, commit to learn from the experience. The change we desire in the world occurs as we courageously experiment to interact in more caring and respectful ways.  For more ideas on facilitating family talking circles or fostering refer to my book Family Activism: Empowering Your Community Beginning with Family and Friends (Vargas, 2008)

During our familia Thanksgiving gathering we had our traditional talking circle, in which we took turns sharing our feelings of gratitude and thoughts or concerns for the coming year. Our conversation then turned to the upcoming Christmas season. We all agreed upon the vision of a low stress, quality time— feel no gift-giving obligations, share meaningful conversations, and homemade presents are preferred.

A current best selling book is “The Purpose of Christmas.” For me the read was too religious and steeped in the old idea of sin and salvation. However, it got me thinking about the purpose of Christmas that I want to live. To honor the birth of the child who became Jesus, I want to celebrate life and love. Here I share a piece of my evolving “how”—savor the time and meaningful conversations.

I’m such a dedicated activist that I often don’t take time to savor the goodness around me. So, my first resolution is to break away from the anxiety of this period to simply savor life around me—relationships, food, breath, thoughts, stars, plants, and moments I share with people. In doing so I’m beginning to discover even more gratitude for the blessings in my life.

I want to engage in fulfilling conversations. I usually do this, but for this Christmas season, why not invite more talk about love, healing and positive change. If these times are to celebrate one of love’s greatest teachers, let’s talk about how we are living love or how we can foster greater love and respect within our family, community or organization? These conversations can be initiated among family members, at holiday gatherings at our home, within organizations I belong to, or with the person next to me in the grocery store check-out line. I know I have experiences that can inspire others and by listening I hope to discover new ways to practice love.

Again, being the activist, I want to encourage conversations about how we can enrich and evolve the movement begun by Mr. Obama. Here is a man who won the nation’s presidency because of his commitment to make government responsible and advance a society that honors and respects all people. We know he can’t do it all, so let’s talk about our part. What are we going to do as individuals, families and groups to create supportive neighborhoods, take care of our youth and elders? How do we advocate for the changes that will make government and big business responsible to all people and our Earth?

I’m looking forward to our family gatherings because these conversations about love and advancing positive change during the Obama presidency will happen. Over the years we have been teaching ourselves how to engage in respectful dialog, so I can envision the conversations occurring over dinner, during our annual jigsaw puzzle sessions or in our sharing circles. Additionally, I already have one organization committed to making the theme of our holiday party “Christmas in the Evolving Era of Obama” in which we will invite guests to engage in series of one-to-one and small group conversations to talk about what we are grateful for and what might we do as an organization to “support and move the changes” we desire for our communities.

I’m looking forward to savoring this holiday and making it a time that honors the teaching of love.

]]> http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/12/11/make-christmas-joyful%e2%80%94-live-your-purpose/feed/ 0 robecanek http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/11/26/support-mr-obama-with-family-activism/ http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/11/26/support-mr-obama-with-family-activism/#comments Wed, 26 Nov 2008 03:18:09 +0000 robecanek http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/?p=33 Continue reading →]]> By Roberto Vargas, AlterNet
Posted on November 11, 2008, Printed on November 20, 2008
http://www.alternet.org/story/106447/

There is a joy resonating throughout the country to be living during this historical moment when we have elected an African-American, an organizer, and a courageous man to be president. It also thrills me that young and old, laborers and professionals, realize that one man cannot advance all the improvements we want for our society, but that we must all move the change together.
In his August 2008 acceptance speech for the Democratic presidential nomination, Mr. Obama made it clear, “ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems.” He went on to say “we must admit that programs alone can’t replace parents; that government can’t turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.” Mr. Obama’s appeal is that we all step up and assume our “individual and mutual responsibility” to improve life for our families and communities. To this I say, Yes! To me, family includes neighbors, friends, co-workers, and others within and outside of my community; and we can help each other become more caring people.
While Mr. Obama did not use the words “cultural” or “family activism,” I believe that is what he wants from all Americans, and especially from those of us who have supported his campaign. The activism of getting someone elected or advocating for government or corporate accountability is absolutely necessary. Yet, equally important is that we involve ourselves in nurturing among family, friends, and neighbors, a personal confidence and a caring commitment that engages all of us in helping and supporting each other. This is the cultural change necessary in our nation — that we each create life-styles of increased commitment to service and positive change. Family activism can do this by consciously fostering these practices of love, power, and mutual support beginning with all our relationships.
Many of our families struggle under the stress of multiple jobs, the rising cost of living, and insufficient time to support the positive development of our children or the well-being of our neighbors. While government needs to protect us and invest our resources wisely, we must all be each other’s keepers, recognizing that caring for and supporting each other’s success is equally as important as insuring that we can all live joyful lives and enjoy safe communities. Family activism involves making Family our cause, which includes being proud about taking care of ourselves, our loved ones, and others within our communities; and also developing the community power necessary to encourage all levels of government and corporate accountability.
The Obama Campaign enthused me and millions of people to step out of our comfort zones and talk to neighbors and strangers about the changes we want for our nation. These actions must continue. We can begin by considering the following ideas about family activism and its role in advancing the American promise.
1. Personal and Family Responsibility. Mr. Obama said we are our brother’s keeper and sister’s keeper. Even good government is limited in what it can do to ensure the education and welfare of our children or the safety of our streets. The positive changes we want require every one of us to ask, “How can I be a better person, more fair and respectful of others, more committed to personal development and the development of those around me?” As a family activist, I have been doing this for years and encourage others within my family, business, and community to do the same. We must all own our responsibility and power to care for each other and move the positive changes we want for our own family, friends, and neighbors.
2. Family and Future Mindfulness. Family must be our cause and we must think about families with the future in mind. Let’s be honest. The coming years will get harder because of the unavoidable effects of global warming, poisoned environments, overpopulation, and greedy corporations. We will see more expensive food, water, and energy; and fewer jobs. Considering this future, it’s important that our circles of family and friends develop mindfulness, creativity, and skills for survival and success. Many people I know have already begun. We communicate within our families and each other to support and inspire each other. We hold family or group meetings to develop our success plan and to share support. We seek to make our gatherings, including birthdays or holidays, experiences that foster happiness and love. For us, family activism is developing the knowledge, connections, and skills to better support each other and our communities.
3. Multicultural Respect. I am inspired by the way Mr. Obama has repeatedly modeled respect for all people. It reminds me that we are all part of the human family and share the responsibility to advance the well-being of our entire society. While many of us belong to communities that have sustained greater degrees of racism and exploitation than others, it is time to recognize that most of us are working class people doing our best to take care of ourselves and families. It’s time that we liberate our minds and hearts from the prejudices that divide us. The truth is that when we get beyond prejudice, we feel connected, enriched, and hopeful to be in relationship with diverse people. Many people enjoy this type of connection — so they will continue practicing it-yet, it is also important to recognize that multicultural respect is a political necessity. We will need to work together to force the insurance industry, big business, and the super wealthy to act responsibly for the good of all.
4. Sustainable Life Styles. Our society has become overly wasteful and the world can no longer sustain it. We cannot continue depleting our resources, poisoning our environment, producing throw-away stuff, and causing global warming. Increasingly, more people realize that the promise of a future for humankind requires that we change our life styles. We must be wise and less wasteful in what we buy, use and eat; conserve energy; and encourage choices that take better care of our environment and our finite resources. For years, our family and friends have sought to develop traditions that are about buying locally, recycling, conserving, and prioritizing the precious gift of sharing quality time over purchasing fancy toys. To us, this is family, or cultural, activism that cares about our Earth and human relations.
5. Community Involvement. Bad government and the push for consumer life styles have made us lazy about our civic and community involvement. Too many people have the attitude that government will take care of our unsafe neighborhoods, our children’s education, or protect us from exploitation. Again, government can only do its part. As individuals we can make our neighborhoods safer by reaching out and developing relationships with those around us. We can talk to neighbors and co-workers about what needs to change in our city, jobs, and society; and then determine what we can do as a community. Maybe the need is to start a neighborhood network to support each other, elect new leaders, or meet with business owners to urge them to do the right thing. For many of my friends, community involvement has included helping each other with child care, organizing block parties, launching a campaign to lift local wages, electing more responsible officials, and more. For many of us, family activism involves improving our communities as part of our responsibility to take care of our families.
Let’s give President Elect Obama our support by beginning conversations about the family or cultural activism required to be good parents, uncles, aunts, neighbors, and co-workers – people who strive to achieve the American promise of a good life for all. As a community organizer, I have been living this practice of change among my multiple circles of family and friends for many years. Now, in my recently published book titled Family Activism (2008, Berrett-Koehler) I offer communication, meeting, and ceremony tools for all readers who desire to develop healthier families, organizations and communities. Let us all be the change, we want to see!
Dr. Roberto Vargas is a leadership trainer and organization development consultant living in southern California. Contact him at RobertoVargas.com His new book, Family Activism, is available at Amazon.com.
© 2008 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.
View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/story/106447/

While the traditional day of celebration is November 1st and 2^nd, this holiday invites our involvement beginning in mid October through early November. Just like many families join together to organize their Christmas tree, we enlist each other to organize a place of beauty to honor deceased loved ones. Our altar comprises a colorful cloth upon which we place photos or mementos that remind of us our loved ones, marigold flowers, candles, and various skeleton figures called muertitos (Dead Ones) that serve to decorate the altar and bring humor to the occasion.

Our altar, usually in the living room, appears like a family reunion. There are photos of my dad, brother, grandmother, my wife’s parents, and a number of good friends, along with my dad’s work hook, the muertito of an artist that represents my brother, another of a teacher that reminds of us of Maria, and others. In placing photos or mementos of theirs on the altar we remember them and their gifts to us. It’s then not unusual that over the coming days or weeks, I’ll pass by and say hello to my brother, dad or a friend. Tell them I miss them and what’s going on in my life.

During this period we’ll have a least one gathering and invite friends and family over for a party involving a ceremony, unity circle and dinner. They bring photos of loved ones they desire to honor and often the favorite food of their loved ones. I begin the ceremony by gathering people together, extending a welcome, and for new guests explaining our tradition. After an opening prayer we take turns briefly talking about the loved ones we desire to honor. We listen, feel loss and gratitude, laugh and often shed tear; and it’s all good.

When my children were young I would lift from the altar my father’s longshoreman’s and remind our children that we live the good life in part because of the labor of their grandfather. I remind them we are working class people always committed to advocating justice for all people. Often we intentionally invite friends who have recently lost a family member or friend, and as the facilitator I may invite them to share about the special qualities of their loved one, or to extend words to the spirit of their departed family member or friend. Invariably, this aids their healing as they express their love and other feelings they may have never communicated before.

During the course of the sharing which can be a brief as thirty minutes or as long as a couple of hours, we invariably create quality familia time in which family and friends become more connected to each other, and inspired in hearing each others stories. Children learn about their ancestor, history and culture. Everyone who speaks feel good that they have honored people they love. By the time we transition to dinner most feel joyful and touched by the love that was expressed. We feel more connected to life, spirit and each other.

Organizing and facilitating ceremonies such as Days of the Dead for the purpose of fostering connection and love is a form of family activism. Organize a ceremony for your family this year or participate in the growing number of community celebrations that are happening so that you will be ready to involve your family in a ceremony next year.

This year I and Rebeca will be facilitating a community ceremony at the Dias de los Muertos Community Day of the Oakland Museum on October 25, 2008, 12-5PM; the ceremony at 4PM. For more information go to www.museumca.org

]]> http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/10/18/days-of-the-dead-an-opportunity-to-connect-as-family-celebrate-life/feed/ 1 robecanek http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/10/06/family-activism-for-community-building-berrett-koehler-authors-cooperative/ http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/10/06/family-activism-for-community-building-berrett-koehler-authors-cooperative/#comments Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:13:41 +0000 robecanek http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/?p=15 Continue reading →]]> I recently returned from Santa Fe, New Mexico, where I applied family activism tools to deepen community and increase inspiration among a network of 40+ notable authors and organization development consultants from throughout the USA. My intent here is to illustrate how several family activist principles and tools can be used to foster community, inspire and encourage positive action. These include the facilitation of conocimiento (communication to connect), and the use of ceremony, the talking stick and inspiration table.

The group who met was the Berrett-Koehler Authors Cooperative, a unique network of individuals who consultant and write about advancing personal, management, and social change. They all publish with Berrett Koehler, a company dedicated to advancing a world that works for all, and they meet once a year to learn and support each other. As a new author, I was invited to attend and participate in designing this 8th annual retreat. As a cultural activist I sought to position myself within the program to best encourage community building and to develop an appreciation for the power of family activism.

In the half dozen telephone conferences to plan the retreat, I nudged acceptance of the retreat theme, “Becoming a B-K Community that Works for All”; then suggested for our retreat design the use of the inspiration table, opening ceremony, and small group conversations using the talking stick. The intent of combining these tools was to open the possibility for connection to spirit, deepen connection to each other, and increase the expression of love. These tools are part of the Familia Approach which I describe in my book Family Activism.

For the opening of our retreat I arrived early to our site to organize the inspiration table so it would stand as a part of the large circle of chairs comprising our council space. As participants arrived I introduced myself to each and invited them to place their inspiration items on the table. While everyone had been invited to bring a couple of items, some had and some hadn’t. Yet, the items brought by a dozen plus participants began to bring “spirit” into our space.

The evening welcome provided by Mailee Adams (author, Change Your Question, Change Your Life, 2004) included a message she brought from Peter Block, author of Community: The Structure of Belonging, 2008, which sounded something like, “The retreat won’t have much depth if people don’t fall in love with each other first.” We were invited to introduce ourselves to another; then, later each person introduced their partner to the larger circle. The process took about 90 minutes. At the end of the evening I requested several volunteers to assist me in the opening ceremony for the next morning. I requested of my four volunteers that each support the ceremony by extending a prayer reflecting the wisdom lessons of each the cardinal direction, east, south, west and north. I reviewed more of this with them.

The next morning was warm and fresh. I used by drum to draw our group together and form a ceremony circle in the garden space outside our meeting room. I lit several leaves of white sage which in my indigenous tradition we do to designate sacred time, and to invite the spirit of ancestors and unborn children to be present. I explained that our gathering together was so important that we were starting in this way; then I requested that we all turn to the east. The first prayer was shared and we repeated this ritual to each of the directions and then to the center. I went around the circle stopping at each person to permit them to smudge that is to draw the sage smoke to their head and heart as means to be more present and connected to their spirit. Completing the circle, I asked that each person turn to a neighbor and share what they were grateful for and to name any persons they desired to invite in spirit to our circle. Their dialogue became beautiful music of sacred conversation between people becoming more like friends. Afterwards, I invited several call-outs about our gratitude and the special people we were inviting to our gathering.

Feeling the open hearts of my new colleagues, I explained our next step to become more community. The circle was divided into groups of six with each possessing a designated convener, a talking stick, and a list of several questions. The convener was to find a place for the group to meet and to initiate a conversation utilizing the talking stick. In this tradition the person holding the stick is responsible to express their truth, and everyone else is to listen deeply. The questions were: name, how did you experience community growing up, and what are you currently doing to advance a better you, family or community?

In the conversation of the small groups magic happened and because of these conversations miracles later occurred. Some groups shared tears, others laughter, yet in each circle simple stories were exchanged that created connection among participants. They were doing what in Spanish is called conocimiento, sharing of each other to develop mutual understanding, trust and connection. The trust developed within each group rippled out so that most of our participants felt increase trust and connection with all others. Many who had attended several of these retreats on prior occasions remarked that they were experiencing the deepest connection they had ever felt with this group. I, like many of my colleagues, were beginning to fall in love with others and what we could be with each other—people connected by purpose and authentic conversation. This feeling of relationship inspired several to make calls during the subsequent day to members of their own family to create with them similar feelings of connection and love. Later, we were to hear about these miracles of connection.

This sentiment of connection only deepened with the use of what I call “inspiration hits”. Periodically throughout our program I invited a few people to briefly share about the items they had brought for the inspiration table. Every time someone spoke it nurtured feelings of trust and connection within the group. Several expressed that it made them feel more authentic and courageous in their other conversations within this community.

Over the course of the subsequent two days, the connection between people got stronger and deeper as the group utilized “open space technology” to organize small conversations to talk about issues and concerned that really mattered to them, e.g., how do we use electronic technology to facilitate sharing our message and building community? How do we design workshops to optimize learning? What are we each doing to advance the “Great Turning” (the betterment of society and world)? How can we establish a mentoring program for new authors? What can we do as authors to support the election of Barak Obama?

For many of us the highlights of the retreat occurred within the talent show of the last evening and our closing ceremony of our final morning. The talent show surfaced a phenomenal collage of songs, music, comedy and poetry, in which each presentation felt like a love offering to the group. To close the evening I collaborated with Juanita Brown (author, The World Café, 2005) to facilitate the 70^th year birthday ceremony for her husband David Isaac. Within David’s passage ceremony, the group not only shared in honoring one of the pioneers of authentic conversations, we demonstrated that a mix of strangers and old friends could in two short days join together and inspire each other with mutual gifts of expression and love. Our closing ceremony reflected our opening with the burning of sage, prayers, smudging, expressions of gratitude, and a spontaneous acknowledgement ceremony of a special wedding anniversary. Many of us had indeed fallen in love with others, sometimes as individuals and very much as a group. We had become community.

Over the past several days, it’s been inspiring to witness the e-activism in which Noah Blumenthal (author, You Are Addicted to You, 2007) and many of the authors have followed-through to organize support for an open letter to the public expressing our support for the leadership qualities of Barak Obama (www.authors4obama.com). I have also received several thank you notes for my contribution to our experience. My response is to request that we reflect on our retreat experience to become similar movers of community building and inspiration for our families, friends and work groups. All our networks could benefit from increase connection with spirit, deeper mutual understanding, and increase opportunities to express and model love. What is needed is mindful facilitation, patience, and the use of various tools to inspire our caring spirit and provide people the opportunity to talk to each other in authentic and heart felt ways.

I attended the B-K author retreat with the same spirit that I approach most gatherings–to advance love and the Great Turning (see David Korten’s The Great Turning, 2006). To save our civilization from self destruction we must become a culture and society that is more respectful and responsible to earth and each other. As a culture or family activist, my part is to help us learn how to be true community or familia that is more connected and committed to mutual support and more mindful of our purpose which is to become individuals, families and communities committed to advancing love in the world.

]]> http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/10/06/family-activism-for-community-building-berrett-koehler-authors-cooperative/feed/ 3 robecanek http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/hello-world/ http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/hello-world/#comments Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:54:30 +0000 robecanek Continue reading →]]> Welcome to the Family Activism Blog and my first news announcement. With “Saludos Familia” I am saying, “All family and friends, I give to you my greetings from my heart to yours”. The purpose and spirit of this blog is to exchange thoughts and experience for creating positive change within our families, communities and world.

My first news:

• Family Activism is out! The book was launched in July 2008, and is now being read from Hawaii to California and some in Detroit, Chicago, Montana, New York and other places. If you have not read Family Activism yet, it is about how to better our community and world beginning with our networks of family, friends, and co-workers. It is about an organizing approach I’ve been developing over the past 30 years, which recognizes that deep success and life fulfillment comes by creating a good life for everyone you care about and everyone in our world. Family activism is about mindfully relating to your family, friends and co-workers, in ways that help them become more caring and powerful.

• The Family Activism blog is now in operation! The purpose of this blog is to encourage positive family, cultural and social change. My thanks to the KaHuliAo Center for Native Hawaiian Law for sponsoring my first author presentation, ‘Olelo Community Television (Honolulu, Hawaii) for producing my first interview program on family activism, and the Hawaiian readers who contacted me to request that I begin a blog so we can share our challenges and learning. Also, my gratitude to Arts for Action (Oxnard, California) for assistance in setting up this blog.

• Doing Author Presentations. I have started in Hawaii, continued in California and will begin my outreach into New Mexico and Washington. I am invited to speak about Family Activism in community centers, libraries, colleges and organizations. I tell about why I wrote the book–because I love life and want us to do all that is necessary to prevent our destruction! When I was at the University of California at Berkeley, my studies included evaluating the well-being of Mother Earth. This led to the realization that we have less than a generation to develop a “health promoting” society and ensure the survival of much of our world population, particularly our working and middle class communities. So, I share my vision for the “great turning”, read selections from my book, and share stories about applying the tools of family activism to better our families and communities.

• Coming out more! I am a porvida activist and I am more publicly coming out. My activism is about loving life and doing all that I can to advance love, respect, and the survival of all people. Years ago I could find no word to describe my commitment so I chose to add meaning to the words “por vida” (“for life”) popular within my community. I combined these words to read as porvida and to mean “being absolutely for life, love, happiness, and all that is positive.” Making money, electing officials, and serving as leaders is not enough, unless we are also teaching love, respecting our Earth, and creating energy for positive change! Porvida is an appreciation of the best of who we are as humans and a trademark concept–meaning commitment, leadership, and success that is passionately dedicated to the support of life for all people and our evolution as humankind.

What’s coming up?

• David Korten, author of The Great Turning is coming to Ventura, California to speak at the CAUSE Community Building Luncheon on September 12, 2008! As an advisory member to CAUSE, I will be doing my best to make this event successful in developing a greater proactive consciousness among Ventura and Santa Barbara’s civic and community leaders.

• Roberto will speak at the University of California, Berkeley, on October 9, 2008, 6PM as part of the 40^th Year Anniversary Program for the Ethnic Studies Library. His topic will be “Family Activism and Celebrating the Best of Who We Are!”

• Roberto will offer a workshop on “Family Activism and Multicultural Respect” at the First Annual Symposium on Race sponsored by World Trust Educational Services on October 11, 2008, First Congregational Church of Oakland. Visit www.world-trust.org for more information.

]]> http://familyactivism.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/hello-world/feed/ 2 robecanek