It’s October and for our family it is time to prepare for one of our most favorite holidays, Días de los Muertos (Days of the Dead), or what we like to consider as “time to celebrate life and honor our departed.” Many who have never experienced this celebration occasion, may think how morbid to gather and talk about the dead. Quite the contrary, it’s inspiring, connecting, and fun!
While the traditional day of celebration is November 1st and 2nd, this holiday invites our involvement beginning in mid October through early November. Just like many families join together to organize their Christmas tree, we enlist each other to organize a place of beauty to honor deceased loved ones. Our altar comprises a colorful cloth upon which we place photos or mementos that remind of us our loved ones, marigold flowers, candles, and various skeleton figures called muertitos (Dead Ones) that serve to decorate the altar and bring humor to the occasion.
Our altar, usually in the living room, appears like a family reunion. There are photos of my dad, brother, grandmother, my wife’s parents, and a number of good friends, along with my dad’s work hook, the muertito of an artist that represents my brother, another of a teacher that reminds of us of Maria, and others. In placing photos or mementos of theirs on the altar we remember them and their gifts to us. It’s then not unusual that over the coming days or weeks, I’ll pass by and say hello to my brother, dad or a friend. Tell them I miss them and what’s going on in my life.
During this period we’ll have a least one gathering and invite friends and family over for a party involving a ceremony, unity circle and dinner. They bring photos of loved ones they desire to honor and often the favorite food of their loved ones. I begin the ceremony by gathering people together, extending a welcome, and for new guests explaining our tradition. After an opening prayer we take turns briefly talking about the loved ones we desire to honor. We listen, feel loss and gratitude, laugh and often shed tear; and it’s all good.
When my children were young I would lift from the altar my father’s longshoreman’s and remind our children that we live the good life in part because of the labor of their grandfather. I remind them we are working class people always committed to advocating justice for all people. Often we intentionally invite friends who have recently lost a family member or friend, and as the facilitator I may invite them to share about the special qualities of their loved one, or to extend words to the spirit of their departed family member or friend. Invariably, this aids their healing as they express their love and other feelings they may have never communicated before.
During the course of the sharing which can be a brief as thirty minutes or as long as a couple of hours, we invariably create quality familia time in which family and friends become more connected to each other, and inspired in hearing each others stories. Children learn about their ancestor, history and culture. Everyone who speaks feel good that they have honored people they love. By the time we transition to dinner most feel joyful and touched by the love that was expressed. We feel more connected to life, spirit and each other.
Organizing and facilitating ceremonies such as Days of the Dead for the purpose of fostering connection and love is a form of family activism. Organize a ceremony for your family this year or participate in the growing number of community celebrations that are happening so that you will be ready to involve your family in a ceremony next year.
This year I and Rebeca will be facilitating a community ceremony at the Dias de los Muertos Community Day of the Oakland Museum on October 25, 2008, 12-5PM; the ceremony at 4PM. For more information go to www.museumca.org
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Susan Drumheller // November 6, 2008 at 6:09 pm |
Inspired by Roberto – and what little I’d read about Day of the Dead – I organized a Day of the Dead potluck at our home on Nov. 2. I got a recipe for “Frida Kahlo bread” and baked up a pile of little loaves covered in cinnamon and sugar, and everyone brought delicious food and photos of someone they lost. We crammed 21 people into our little North Idaho home and all sat in a circle in the living room and shared something about our loved ones. Perhaps the most powerful story for the kids in the room was about a talented man named Michael who lost his way and died of a methamphetamine overdose. I could tell it had a huge impact on the preteens and teenagers in the room – and I want to thank Roberto for helping me bring that very important lesson to our kids. Despite the gravity of that story, it was amazing how much lighter and closer we felt after the circle!